


These Walls are Really Talkative

by maanorchidee



Series: Talkative series [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Librarians, M/M, Social Anxiety, Social Media, Youtuber - Freeform, gleeao3fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 01:04:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4415048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maanorchidee/pseuds/maanorchidee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four walls. One "cube" consisting his small private bathroom and kitchen. A wooden door. This will be Blaine Anderson's life for the following four years. Let's make the best of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Uh, so I came up with this story a couple of weeks ago after I went to this Open Day from this university and I didn't know what to think. I don't know if I can do that. To sort out all my shit, I decided to write it down in the form of a Klaine fic. I can honestly say that I gave all my personal problems to Blaine in this fic. I was torn between Kurt and Blaine, but I decided to go with Blaine.  
> Blaine has a lot of baggage in this fic (my baggage) and honestly, I don't know if I should call this a Klaine fic, because it's 98,9% Blaine POV and romance isn't the most important thing on his mind. This story is about Blaine trying to figure his shit out and with Kurt basically on the side-line.  
> This story is purely written for myself so that I could list all my baggage, but then I started to love this story a lot and I thought... why the hell not? I just finished writing it (like, 10 minutes ago) so it won't be yet another WIP.  
> I just want you to know that Blaine is based on me but then mixed with Blaine, so if you don't understand why he's doing something, he probably doesn't understand either.  
> And yeah, I posted this on FF and S&C, so this is my first time using AO3.

**_November 9th 2010_ **

[someone is adjusting the camera]  _Oh, woops!_ [the one behind the camera finally steadies it and a boy appears on screen]  _Hello!_ [small awkward wave] _Uh, hi. My name is Blaine and this is my very first vlog. You might wonder why I'm doing it, but honestly_ [laughs] _it's because I lost a bet to my friends._  

_They gave me a week the time to decide on a topic and to start a channel, can you believe it?_ [suddenly his face goes serious] _But really, even though this is a joke, I promise I will take this seriously. I've- uh, I've been thinking a lot about the topic and I am here to help._ [looks away]

_I'm not gonna lie, my life hasn't been that easy_ [looks sad] _I'm currently boarding at his school for my own safety. I have, uh, several problems and phobias and well… I would've given everything for help when I was younger, but I never got it._

[looks back] _So that's why I'm here! I hope that my videos will help others and will inspire others to help [grins]. How? I don't know yet and I don't think this channel will be 100% self-help. I mean, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part one will be released within a couple of days._ [excited]

_And, well…_ [trails off]  _I just want you to know that I'll be there for you. Courage._

[mock salute] _Blaine Warbler, signing off._

* * *

**_February 1st 2014_ **

Four walls.

One "cube" consisting his small private bathroom and kitchen.

A wooden door.

This will be Blaine Anderson's life for the following four years.

Let's make the best of it.

_Easier said than done_ , Blaine thinks bitterly as he finishes unpacking. He looks around. The room isn't that bad. It's not like he hasn't lived on a campus before- he went to a freaking boarding school. But still, it is scary.

The fact that he's in New York- at _NYU_ \- isn't even helping. When he looks outside and sees the city, the only thing he can think about is the amount of strangers outside. Hell, the amount of strangers in this building is already scary.

He's lucky he has his own bathroom and kitchen –although it's the question if he'll use the latter- so he doesn't need to leave the room. The fact that he is a "fall student" also helps. The so called fall students don't have lavish introduction days, like the "summer students", the ones that start in September.

He checks his room again.

If he opens the door, he'll see his cube directly on his right and therefore he has a small "hallway". Pushed in the left corner at the end of his room is his bed. His desk with his camera is hidden in the right corner, because the cube is in sight. Only if you enter the room, you'll see his desk, his couch and bookshelf. But then again, who will ever see this room since he won't have any people over.

Of course, there are also some chests and other necessaries. And decorations! A lot of decorations and posters.

He sits back on his couch and closes his eyes, trying to calm down.

_You chose this, you chose this! You could've stayed in Lima or you could've gone to an apartment far away from campus, but no, you chose a dorm! You could afford a fucking apartment. Your parents are loaded and you make money of you fucking videos. WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID!? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-_

He keeps on breathing hard, so he uses one of his tricks to calm him down.

_Draco and Harry are definitely married to each other in an alternate universe, Draco and Harry are definitely married to each other in an alternate universe, Draco and Harry…_

He keeps continuing till he's finally calmed down enough to get up. When he does, his eyes fall on his camera. It's an expensive one. His fans –his  _fans_ \- raised money to buy it for him- for  _him_. He feels bad that he stopped using it, but his sub-consciousness told him to take it with him to college.

He picks it up and remembers the last couple of months. A couple of weeks before his graduation and after his eighteenth birthday, he stopped making videos. Not because he didn't like it, but because it felt too much. His anxiety got too much.

He posted a super long post about it on his blog (which he still uses) and he said his goodbyes.

Now looking at his camera again, he realizes how much he has helped people around him and even though he still hates himself for it, without it, he wouldn't have been in New York, the city of his dreams.

For a minute, he hesitates, but then he decides to do it.

* * *

**_February 1st 2014_ **

[small wave in his own way, aka his "Blaine-wave"]  _Hey guys, Warble on!_  [laughs apologetic]  _So, it has been almost one year since I disappeared- in fact, I'll be nineteen this Wednesday._

_You are probably wondering what I'm doing. I left, I know, but now I'm back. As you may have noticed, I'm not in my room. Well, technically I am. I just moved into my dorm and I know this is completely random, but I am back._  

[smiles]  _I missed you. The last couple of months have been good- maybe you've followed my blog? I'm good, I am. Same fears, obviously, but I am out of Lima, which is a huge achievement. Remember when I talked about dreams once, all the way back in 2010?_  [laughs at memory]  _I was so afraid. I mean, I still am! I have to cook for myself, you guys, do you know how terrifying that is? There's fire and knives and…_  [shivers at the thought]  _But I'll manage. I'm sure of it._

_Since I'm in college now, I don't know what will happen. I don't know if I can go back to the old schedule- a self-help video on Wednesday and a fandom related thing on Saturday- but I don't think I'll be leaving again._

[hand through his hair] _Oh yeah, I've forgotten I look homeless. You're probably used to boarding-school me, the one who's cleanly shaved, the one without the glasses and the one with the gelled back hair._ [grins] _About that…_ [weird face]  _I haven't, uh, found my new places to go yet. I don't know if I will anytime soon. It's all new and, uh, there will be strangers everywhere._ [really nervous] _I- I don't think I can do that. Not yet!_

[looks apologetic, again] _Like I said; same old fears and phobias. I've been working on them, but since I'm in a new environment, I'll have to start adjusting again. Looks like I'll be living of ready meals_ [laughs, even though it isn't funny at all].

_Anyway, that's it for today. I know it's a Saturday, but I just unpacked! Recap: I'm back and I'm sorry I left in the first place, but I'm not leaving anytime soon._

[mock salute] _Blaine Warbler Anderson, signing off!_

* * *

**_February 5th 2014_ **

He's nineteen. He's been an adult for a year. His fans, who were very happy with his return, are spamming tumblr with gifsets about him. He used to feel self-consciousness about seeing himself on his dash on a daily basis, but he's overcome that. At least one thing has progressed in the past four years.

He looks at his smiling self from 2011. He was so young.

His friends have left countless messages too, which relieved him. After graduation, his friends went to their colleges and contact started to waver. Blaine started to wonder if they really liked him, or if they were just pretending to like him.

But he has overcome that too. On some days, the doubt lingers in the back of his mind, but not today. Now he's reading all the messages and he's actually smiling. It's his first smile in days.

He quickly shoots a video of himself thanking everyone for the birthday wishes, instead of his usual self-help Wednesday videos and goes to class.

On his way to class, he doesn't bother anyone.

During class, he doesn't bother anyone.

On his way back home, he doesn't bother anyone.

At home, he doesn't bother anyone.

He studies, he reads, he blogs. He attempts to cook (at least he tries) and he does his daily ritual. He goes to bed, he wakes up and when he goes to class later that day, he doesn't bother anyone.

* * *

**_March 1st 2014_**  

He's been at the dorms for an entire month. He knows how it works by now.

For example, there is this (very bare) common room. Every floor has one. A lot of students use it to study together or to hang out. Sometimes, they throw a small party and on occasions, the students of the floor eat together.

The students of the floor are one big family, they say. Well, then Blaine is the awkward, forgotten cousin no one talks about.

Blaine doesn't mind. It's not like he wants to talk to those people, because they probably don't want to talk to him. In their eyes, he's a recluse. He never leaves his room for more than a couple of hours; when he needs to go to class or when he goes to his job.

It's okay, because by doing that, Blaine's sure he doesn't bother anyone.

* * *

**_March 10th 2014_**  

When Blaine returns from class, he can hear that the students of the floor are on a roll. As he opens the door that leads to his floor (the second), he can see everyone cheering and dancing. Someone's singing.

Before Blaine slips into his room, he sees what's causing all this. Or _, who._

Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones.

Everyone knows them. They're the most popular people on this floor. They both study something that involves music. He's not sure what, but Blaine won't ask.

As he shuts the door, he leans against it so that he can hear them sing. They're singing Madonna's  _Four Minutes_  and they sound amazing. Blaine allows himself to enjoy the music. Normally, he tries to stay away from everything the students of the floor do, but something's different when it comes to Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones.

For a minute, he considers going outside to get a closer look, but then he panics. People will see him then and they probably try to  _talk_  to him. He can already feel his heart beating fast.

He knows what they look like. In fact- they share the double room next to his. He sometimes can hear them sing.

There's just something about Kurt and Mercedes.

While the other students of the floor seem scary (they probably aren't, but Blaine's scared of them nonetheless), they seem almost inviting.

Suddenly he knows how he can get a glimpse of them without looking creepy. He quickly gathers his study books and puts them in his messagers back. He grabs his keys and opens his door. He was right, everyone's in full swing.

When Blaine opens his door, some students notice, but no one cares. Why would they when they have Kurt and Mercedes to look to? He closes the door, watches them for a couple more seconds and leaves. Off to the library where he works.

He doesn't notice Kurt Hummel watching him leave.

* * *

**_March 15th 2014_**  

["Blaine-wave"]  _Hey guys, Warble on! Happy Saturday! If this Saturday isn't that happy, remember that my ask box is always open. Link's in the description._

_So, for today's Saturday Show, I'd like to talk about music. This is going to sound really, really weird, but a couple of days ago, something happened at my dorm building._

_Due privacy, I won't say much, but I'd like to applaud two people from my floor! You two totally rock-_ [someone knocks on the door].  _Oh, hang on._  [confused]  _Someone actually knocked on my door._

[new shot]  _So, one of the people I was just talking about actually came over to ask me if I had any salt? I- why would he do that?_

_Anyway, like I was saying…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC  
> So yeah, that is this... I don't have much to say.


	2. Chapter 2

**_January 9th 2013_ **

["Blaine-wave"] _Hey guys, Warble On! I hope you're having a nice day, otherwise you know where to find me_ [points down]

 _For this Wednesday Well-being, I'm going to talk about friendships. As you may know, I have made some great friends here at Dalton, but it hasn't always been this way._  [looks sad, like he always does when he's about to say something about his life before Dalton].

 _It's no secret that I've been bullied. I used to have one friend, but he abandoned me the minute he found out I'm gay_ [laughs bitterly] _I hope he's doing well that that he will never ever attempt to contact me again._

_But even though all of that happened, I've learned how much you can depend on friends. I'm not saying it's bad to depend on friends- I do too, but stay independent too._

_Friendship is one of my favourite things in the entire world. Real friends are here to stay._

_Watch out! If your "friends"_ [uses air-quotes _] are either emotionally manipulative, or aren't appreciating you, or keep on degrading you, or will never let you have nice things and so on, I strongly advise to you cut them off._

_Now, I know that that isn't an easy thing to do, but losing that douche has been one of the best things ever. After he ditched me, I looked back on our "friendship" and realized that it wasn't meant to work out._

_About my friends…_

* * *

**_March 15th 2014_ **

As he's uploading his video on YouTube, his mind keeps racing. Kurt Hummel seriously just entered his room. No one except for Blaine and his TA has ever set foot in his room. And he asked for goddamn salt. From all people on the floor, he asks _Blaine_  for salt. Blaine barely cooks.

Luckily, there was salt, but still…

He just hopes he won't have to run into him again anytime soon, because he will probably make a fool out of himself and Kurt will think he's weird and he will tell all the students of the floor and people will look at him and will see him as the weird guy and no one will talk to him and-

**_CALM DOWN._ **

Blaine shakes his head. He can't keep living like this. His computer is signalling him to tell him that YouTube has successfully uploaded the video and Blaine wonders why he's helping so many people out there, but he can't help himself.

People message him on a daily basis to thank him for helping them, but Blaine can't thank himself. People all over the world are using his tricks to survive the day, while on some days, he can't survive his.

He's been doing this for four years, with a one-year intermission, and he has helped thousands of people out there, but he will never be able to help himself.

Because someone needs to help him.

He unlocks his phone and he tries not to cry out loud when he sees that no one has texted him. It's not like he wants people to text him 24/7, but he misses his friends. His friends from Dalton were the only people he could depend on.

But graduation happened and they're scattered all over the country- over the world. Hell, David is in Europe and Thad's in Asia.

For a split second, he wonders if he should befriend students of the floor and for another second, his mind wanders to Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones.

 _But they won't like me_ , he thinks sadly.

He turns back to his laptop and adds the closed captions and the text in the subscription. At least he can still help all those people out there.

* * *

**_April 1st 2014_ **

He has successfully avoided Kurt Hummel for weeks. Since Kurt himself didn't contact him either, he knew it was for the best. Kurt obviously wasn't interested in someone like Blaine. Why would he befriend him when he has Mercedes and the other students of the floor anyway?

It's a normal Tuesday.

Then he has the amazing idea to do the laundry at the actual laundry room. He never uses it, because he doesn't want to risk running into anyone. But he's in an awfully good mood and he's also too lazy to do it himself. His shower is already packed with clothes that are drying in the bathroom. There's a washing machine and a drying machine in the laundry room, so why not?

He grabs his phone and puts on his music. With earbuds in his ears and a basket filled with laundry, he makes his way to the laundry room. He lip-synchs for life and for once, he doesn't wonder if people think he's weird.

Then again, Blaine never leaves his room without earbuds. It's a good excuse to keep people away.

Since he's so into his music, he doesn't notice people whispering and staring. It's not because he's lip-synching for life, but because he's outside his room for once.

In the laundry room, he does the laundry (oh shocking!) and since he's still into his music, he doesn't notice someone entering the room.

Till he turns around.

He immediately stops. Kurt Hummel looks amused.

Blaine lowers the volume of his music. Not because he wants to, but it's only polite.

"Great song?" Kurt asks. Blaine just nods. He doesn't know what to do. He hasn't really talked to, well, anyone in quite a while. It's not like he doesn't talk or anything, because he still has his job and sometimes classmates need him, but an actual conversation? Nah.

"Musical," Blaine just says.

To his surprise, Kurt looks delighted. "Oooooh!" he coos, "Which one? I need to know, I mean, I study musical theatre and arts so it's only good."

_Musical theatre and arts._

"Uh, just some Hairspray," Blaine answers awkwardly.

Kurt isn't fazed by his awkwardness, which is a relief. "I've always liked that musical. Both the musical and the movie." "Yeah, Link is good-looking," he regrets saying it immediately, "I- uh, yeah."

"Ah, I understand," Kurt says. It falls silent and Blaine is freaking out. Is he supposed to talk now? Or will that annoy Kurt and should he remain silent? But isn't that rude? Oh god he hates this.  _What do I do? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-_

"Hey, I kinda want to ask you something," Kurt suddenly says, "On Tuesday, everyone gathers in the common room to have dinner together, but you're always absent. Do you mind joining us? Mercedes is the chef this week and she promised us her famous spaghetti."

Blaine's head is spinning, looking for a good excuse.

"Well?"

He decides to weigh the pros and cons.

Pros: free food, which is good because he hasn't had a decent plate of food in ages since he can't cook. He can't keep living on instant noodles, take out, pasta and ready-meals.

Cons: people.

It's the only con, but it's also the biggest. People will talk to him and they will expect him to talk back. People will acknowledge him _. People_.

But looking at Kurt, who's incredibly hopeful, he decides to say yes.

And he regrets it immediately.

* * *

"Hand me that plate!"

"Jesus, Rebecca, calm down!"

"I need the cheese! Who has the fucking cheese, people!"

"DANNY, THAT WAS MY NEW T-SHIRT!"

"I'm sorry Adrianna, woah, don't kill me."

Mercedes is exhausted, but Kurt knows she loves doing this. "Another plate!" she shoves it in Kurt's hands, "To Leidra, I think. Or wait- no, I already gave her a plate, it's for Michael. Now go!" Kurt dramatically rolls his eyes before handing the plate with food to Michael.

As he walks past all the other students, his eyes fall on the closed door next to his several times. Blaine promised he'd be there, but he's already twenty minutes late.

Then, the door to room 206 finally opens. Blaine is standing in the doorway, looking right into the common room. With his phone and earbuds still in hand, he closes the door behind him and he takes a deep breath before making his way to the common room.

"Holy shit, what is 206 doing here?" Tamara whispers frantically.

"No way, is that 206?" Kurt hears everyone talking. He had forgotten that basically no one knows Blaine's name and that everyone had reduced him to '206'.

Blaine doesn't seem to notice, but he still looks very afraid and unsure. He is scanning the room quickly, like he's hoping to see a familiar or friendly face.

So Kurt cracks a big smile and greets him warmly.

He can see the relief on Blaine's face. He guides him towards Mercedes, who is very surprised to see him. "Mercedes, this is Blaine Anderson. Blaine, Mercedes Jones," Kurt introduces them to each other.

"Oh my god, our neighbour in the flesh! Welcome, welcome, have a plate of spaghetti à la Mercedes!" she sing-songs happily.

Whereas Mercedes is very open and extrovert, Blaine clearly isn't. He shoves his phone and earbuds in his pockets and accepts the plate with a nod.

Then, he just stands there, looking lost.

"Come sit with me," Kurt decides to help him out, "Mercedes is almost done, right?" Mercedes hums in agreement.

Kurt takes a seat next to Rebecca and Roberto. It's no surprise that Rebecca automatically starts talking to Kurt about their dance classes.

Blaine settles down next to him and he doesn't make eye-contact with anyone. He did acknowledge everyone's presence with a single nod. Mercedes joins them a couple of minutes later and everyone's chatting idly.

Except for Blaine.

He seems to listen cautiously, but he never jumps into the conversations. After he's finished, he slowly excuses himself, thanks Mercedes for the free food and leaves.

All eyes are on him. When he shuts the door behind him, everyone obviously starts talking.

"Okay, what on earth is going on with that guy?" Roberto says immediately, "He finally joins us on our Tuesday evenings and he doesn't do a shit."

"What was he doing here anyway?" Leidra wonders.

"I invited him," Kurt confesses, "I hoped he might like it."

"Didn't look like it," Michael says, "He didn't say a thing. He just sat there and ate."

"He nodded on occasion," Mercedes points out, "At least that is something and he seemed to really listen to our trash talks." Some people chuckle, but they really did trash talk the entire time.

"But still, does anyone even know 206's name?" Danny asks and people shake their heads.

"Blaine," Kurt eventually says, "As you might know, he lives next to me and Mercedes so it was kinda obligatory to know his name." Mercedes nods in agreement. "He seems like an okay dude to me," she adds, "A bit shy, but that's it."

"He looks crazy to me," Adrianna says, looking uninterested, "He's been here for- how long? He's a fall student, right?"

"February, I think," Thomas answers.

* * *

He tries not to freak out, but he can't. Technically, it wasn't that bad and the food was amazing, but gosh, why did he do this?

Because he needs a friend, that's why.

He can hear the others talk and he promises himself to go out more, but he also knows it's a promise he can't keep.

* * *

**_April 5th 2014_ **

["Blaine-wave"]  _Hey everybody, Warble On! I hope you're doing well, otherwise… you know where_ [winks].

 _So, for this Saturday Show, I'm_ [laughs]  _oh god, this is so ironic, but I'm actually going to talk about food_  [surprised]  _I hate cooking, oh my god._

_But no really, this is going to be a mix of Saturday Show and Wednesday Well-Being, because I want you to think of your favourite food- or restaurant or anything that instantly makes you feel better._

_If food isn't an easy subject for you, that's okay, because the feeling of happiness, of wanting something, is more important…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC  
> Actual Kurt POV! Don't get used to it. So yeah, every chapter starts with a Wednesday Well-being video (2010-2013) and every chapter ends with Blaine updating his channel with a Satuday Show video. Gosh, I had the calendars of 2010 till 2014 bookmarked.  
> Yeah, this chapter reflects on Blaine not knowing what to do when surrounded by people he doesn't know. Blaine's biggest problem is that he isn't socially stupid or anything, but he seriously doesn't know what to do. Should he speak? Should he remain silent? He knows the people on the floor aren't bad people, but he just can't do it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, just so you guys know, this chapter will be about grief. Every Wednesday Well-being basically introduces the subject of the chapter and every Satuday Show looks back on something that has happened in the chapter. I wrote this chapter right after my pet died and I needed to let it out, although this isn't about Blaine's grief. It's Kurt's.
> 
> Yes, this chapter will discuss Finn's passing.

**_August 22nd 2012_ **

["Blaine-wave"]  _Hey everybody, Warble On! In case you need a helping hand_  [points downstairs]  _ask is open!_

[face serious]  _I will say it right now, this video will discuss death. All sorts of death, including, trigger warning, suicide and other nasty stuff._

_This Wednesday Well-being will be about grief._

[questionable expression]  _Now you might wonder: Blaine, how the fuck is this well-being?_ [neutral face]  _I just want you to know that there is nothing wrong with mourning a loved one._

_Whenever it's a family member, a friend, a pet, a fictional character, a celebrity … don't let anyone make you feel bad for feeling sad._

_Why am I saying this? Because over the span of a couple of years, people have been shitty about this to me too. When my bird died, people didn't understand why I was so upset about a bird. Also about fictional birds. Spoilers! When Hedwig got hit by that killing curse, I burst out in tears._

_What I'm trying to say is that your feelings are valid. You are valid. Don't ever forget that…_

* * *

**_April 8th 2014_ **

"Are you going to ignore me?"

Blaine shrieks when he sees Kurt suddenly standing in front of him. With his door still in his hand, he looks behind Kurt and he can see people looking at them.

"I am not ignoring you," Blaine says in his defence.

"It's been a week," Kurt points out, "Are you even planning on attending the dinner this evening?" Blaine has actually planned to go out so he could avoid going. "I was actually going to-" "Thought so."

Blaine has no idea what to do and this time it's not because he doesn't know how to act around strangers. It's because he really has nothing to say in his defense.

"I have to go to work," Blaine eventually says. It's not an excuse, he really is running late. "I work at the library. If you ever want to talk, you- uh, can come over?" He's as surprised as Kurt. He never invites people over to his work. He never invites people. Period.

"Hey 206!" Both men turn around to see Leidra waving, "Do you have a knife?"

Blaine freezes.

"Why do you need a knife?" Kurt asks when he sees that Blaine is unable to speak.

"Roberto and I are on dinner duty, remember? But Roberto's are blunt and mine… are broken."

"Broken?" Kurt raises an eyebrow.

"Don't ask."

"I wasn't planning on asking."

"But anyway, you're the only ones on the floor at the moment," Leidra continues, "And we really need one, because hey, Roberto had the brilliant idea to make vegetable soup! Someone needs to cut those veggies!"

"You're an embarrassment," Kurt says before turning to Blaine, who's still frozen in shock, "Well, do you?"

Blaine forces himself out of his shocked state. "I what?"

"Have a knife. For Leidra."

"Uh, I- don't."

"You don't? Then how do you cook?"

"I, uh, don't."

"O-kay," and then he turns to Leidra, "Hang on, if you give me a minute I'll get one from my room." Blaine sees that as his chance to leave.

* * *

**_April 9th 2014_ **

Blaine is freaking out.  _Okay, take a deep breath. You can do this. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's just Kurt and maybe Mercedes. Okay- okay- calm down. Just do it, Blaine. Just knock._

After one final deep breath, he knocks on the door that leads to the double room that Kurt and Mercedes share.

_OH GOD I DID IT I ACTUALLY DID IT OKAY PLAY IT COOL, BLAINE, YOU CAN DO THIS YOU CAN DO-_

"Blaine?" Mercedes is very surprised to see him, "Hi, what a- uh, surprise! What can I do for you?"

_Okay, just ask her._ "I was actually looking for Kurt," he says and he mentally high-fives himself for doing so, "Is he here or does he have class or…" he trails off before he can ramble.

Mercedes opens her mouth to say something, but then looks alarmed. Blaine tries not to panic. She looks back to her room and doubt is written all over her face.

"Is- Is this a bad time?"  _Okay, okay, don't freak out this isn't you fault- I shouldn't have- no no no it isn't your fault if it's a bad time you didn't know._

"He- he is having a bad day," Mercedes eventually says and when she sees the alarmed look on Blaine's face, she quickly adds, "It's not an excuse or anything, he- uh, he's just really not in a good mood. Good days and bad days, uh?" She tries to lighten the mood with a (very bad) joke, but she has no idea how close that comment hit him.

_Yes, I know._

"Oh, uh, can you tell him I stopped by?" He quickly checks his watch. Maybe he can shoot his Wednesday Well-being now real quick.

* * *

**_April 10th 2014_ **

Blaine's putting all the books back to their places, when someone taps him on his shoulder.

Since he didn't expect it at all, he shrieks and because of that, he drops the stack of books he was holding.

"Holy shit, I'm sorry!" Kurt crouches next to him to help him. Another librarian shushes them. "Oh man, seems like the clichés are true," Kurt whispers. Blaine just nods.

"No really, sorry for scaring you," he gets up and hands Blaine his books, "I didn't mean to. Mercedes told me you stopped by and well, I know you work here and you told me to come over, so… here I am."

"Uh, hi," Blaine waves awkwardly. Kurt is watching his hand curiously.

"What?"

"Oh, no, just… nice wave," Kurt says awkwardly. He's referring to Blaine's "Blaine-wave". It's a small wave that only lasts a second or two and he has his hand shaped as the letter B in American Sign Language. That wasn't intentional, but someone pointed it out in the comments a couple of years ago and Blaine decided to keep it.

"So, Mercedes told you were having a bad day. Are you doing fine now?" It's a reflex to ask that.

"She told you?" Kurt is slightly annoyed, "Oh."

"She didn't tell me why you were having a bad day!" Blaine quickly adds, "Don't worry, I have no clue. I only know you had a bad day. But really, do you need someone to talk to?"

At first, Kurt is hesitant, but then he asks: "When are you off-duty?"

"Uh, thirty more minutes and then class, why?"

"Mercedes is at one of our friend's place this evening. Meet me after class." He leaves without another word.

* * *

_He's just going to talk to you, no need to worry. Well, talking is worrisome for me- yes, yes, but you will be fine._

He knocks on door 208 and when Kurt opens the door, he actually looks nervous. "Uh, hi, you actually came," he says and he steps aside.

A couple of minutes later, the two of them are sitting at the table, sipping tea. "So, the reason I had a bad day-" Blaine quickly interrupts him. "Kurt, you don't have to tell me!" he says, distressed, "You don't owe me an explanation."

"I know, but I want to. So, like I said, the reason I had a bad day yesterday was because it reminded me of my brother," Kurt admits slowly, "Mercedes obviously knows, but still. She's hurting too, but not like me. I mean, duh. He was my brother."

Past tense.

_Oh no._

"My brother died a couple of months ago- unexpected. It's been hard and I know he would've wanted me to move on, I can't. Not really. Not yet."

"Oh, Kurt…"

"Please, don't say you're sorry. I've had enough pity in the last couple of months," Kurt tries to smile, but fails.

"I wasn't going to," Blaine says, "And I'd love to say 'I know what you're going through', but I really don't, because the only creatures I've mourned were either fictional or, well, stiff." Not that Pavarotti was stiff, but most of the time he just sat there. So yeah, maybe he was a bit stiff.

"It's good days and bad days," Blaine quotes Mercedes. The comment still hits close to home, but this time, it isn't about him. "Thank you for telling me."

"Now you're probably going to think that I'm one of those clichés, uh? Looks confident, but is actually very emotionally troubled."

Blaine's eyes widen. _Shit shit shit shit shit shit._  "What? No- No, I wouldn't- no, that's- no!"  _I fucked up, shit, damn, fuck._

"Relax, relax, I was only joking. Badly, apparently."

_Well, with me you just can't make those jokes._

"Sorry," Blaine says.

"My fault," Kurt says shortly, "I just- I don't even know why! We've barely talked in the past two months and suddenly I'm telling you my life story- or at least a very important part of it."

"Yeah, that not talking is my problem," Blaine says apologetically

"Can I ask you why? I mean, you've listened to me, all I can do is returning the favour."

Blaine shakes his head. He doesn't know if he's ready to open up to someone who's technically still a stranger. Kurt's right, they've barely talked.

"That was your choice," Blaine states and tries to change the subject, "Why did you tell me?"

Kurt tries to wave it away. "Oh, I don't know. You look like someone I can just talk to you know? Like an old friend."

_I look fucking homeless._

"Thank you."

* * *

**_April 12th 2014_ **

It's only been two days, but Kurt's already hanging around in the library on a daily basis. Most of the time he's just watching Blaine work and very often they exchange some words.

It's weird.

Blaine doesn't know much about friendship, but he's sure it isn't supposed to be like this. One working and the other staring. At moments like this, he's really happy that he has a pretty good self-esteem, otherwise he would've died.

Although then again, he looks homeless.

Guess that's what happens when you don't shave. Several people have already pointed it out in the comments section.

Ah well, that's what happens when you're afraid of sharp things, like blades.

"This book for check-out," Kurt suddenly says, "At least it's not To Kill A Mockingbird, since I'm already a walking cliché."

"Not a cliché."

"Still joking. Still badly."

In fact, it's a picture book.

"Uhm…" Blaine inspects it, "Check-out, then?"

Kurt follows him to check-out and explains himself. "Look, I know it might look weird, but I strongly believe that the best works are children's books. They are simply here for enjoyment and okay- sometimes to teach you something, but the innocence of a child is bliss."

"That is very deep," Blaine says, impressed, as he puts the name of the book on Kurt's library card.

"I'm a cliché, I am deep."

* * *

**_April 19th 2014_ **

["Blaine-wave"] _Heya, Warble On! Hope you're having a lovely day and if you need a helping hand, you know where to find me._

_I've talked about books before- hence, you can probably see my collection of Harry Potter posters behind me, but last week, someone said something that really stuck with me._

_And yes, I talked_ [looks proud]

_They told me why they loved children's books the most; because of the innocence. They're simply here for enjoyment. Of course, they do teach stuff._

_Now, I have to admit that they're totally right and- crap, I'm going to turn this into a Harry Potter Saturday Show, **again**. _ [sighs deeply, looks at camera, cracks a smile] _How do you guys manage with me? Anyway, here goes my long talk about the depth of Harry Potter._

_Again._

_.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC
> 
> "Whenever it's a family member, a friend, a pet, a fictional character, a celebrity … don't let anyone make you feel bad for feeling sad." I just want you to remember this one. Normally, I'm not the one highlighting 'the best parts', but I just really, really want you to remember this one. Everything Blaine says in the Wednesday Well-being videos are interesting, but remember!
> 
> Like I said, I wrote this chapter after my pet died and I felt foolish for being so devastaded (I'm still devastated and it's been three weeks) and I was also thinking about Cory and Delphine (Orphan Black) and I was like: I am seriously sad. Why is it bad to grief a pet, a celebrity or a character? My feelings are valid.
> 
> Having written this down has made me realize that this is absolutely okay. If someone ever makes you feel bad for grieving about a pet ("it is only an animal, right? No actual person"), a celebrity ("you don't even know them personally, stop whining about it") or a character ("you know they aren't real, right?"), know that they are wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just sayin', Kurt is going to mention the crap Karofsky has pulled him through in this chapter. Karofsky himself won't be in it!
> 
> Also about last chapter: did you notice Kurt's dorm room number?

**_May 25th 2011_ **

["Blaine-wave"]  _Hey guys, Warble On!_  [laughs. The "Warble On" quote is still new, but Blaine likes using it and so do his friends and fans].  _I'm great, how about you? If you're also feeling great_ [points down]  _or if you're not feeling great_  [points down, again].

_For today's Wednesday Well-being, shout out to my friend Trent for that name, I'd like to talk about trust._

_It's a human trait. Or, I don't know if you can actually call it a trait_ [thinks] _Ah, you get what I'm trying to say_ [laughs, waves it away]  _Where was I?_

_Oh yeah, it's a human "trait" and it is completely normal if you want someone trustworthy in your life. For long, I didn't have one- well, maybe my brother. I ought to introduce you to him since I've mentioned him a couple of times, but he already has a huge ego, this will only make it worse._

_But like I was saying, for a long time, I didn't have one. Now I have a couple of them; my friends._ [smiles, looking grateful]  _Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that there's someone out there for you. Maybe it feels like no one will listen, but this time, listen to me. Listen to me telling you that there is someone for you._

_You don't have to trust every person you meet, but sometimes it's good to have someone to talk to. Let it out, let it go, open up._

_Speaking of trust, I've been doing this for seven months! I can't believe this. You've already found my school_ [pretends to look mad] _, but I'd like to trust you enough to call me Blaine Anderson._

[pretends to gasp]  _Yes, I just did that!_

_And, well, looks like I have to go already. Sorry for the short video, but hey, life happens._

[mock salute] _Blaine Warbler **Anderson** , signing off!_

* * *

**_April 24th 2014_ **

"Can I ask you why you call yourself a cliché?"

"Because I am," Kurt says quietly. They're in the library after all.

Blaine doesn't believe that. Kurt isn't like anyone he has ever met. He's amazing, he's funny, he's kind, he's talented… sure, he might be the most popular guy on the floor and he has a deeper story, but Kurt is not a cliché.

"You're so not."

"I study musical theatre and my favourite musicals are RENT and Wicked," Kurt points out, "If that isn't cliché, then I don't even know."

"Yes, and I work in a library and I adore Harry Potter," Blaine retorts, "In the book fandom, Harry Potter is, like, equal to Wicked. Everyone knows it."

"Touché."

Kurt sits down at their usual table in the library. He's been hanging around in the library almost every other day. When Blaine asked him why, he answered that the library is his escape from his social life, which is in Blaine's eyes a bit weird. Kurt looks so content with his busy social life.

They've already claimed the table in the very back as their table. During breaks or after work, they talk a lot. Since the table is far away in the back, they don't have to whisper the entire time. No one can hear them.

"Uh, because a couple of years ago, I realized it was easier to be a cliché than, well, than what I was back then," Kurt admits, looking ashamed. It is kind of cute, but it is also very sad.

"Do you want to tell me?"

"Uh…" Kurt looks around to make sure no one's around. Not like it matters, no one can hear them, but Blaine can see the relief on his face when he sees that they are alone. "I should tell you, the death of my brother isn't the only baggage I have, y'know."

So Blaine braces himself. He's ready. He's helped people all over the world, so he can damn sure help his…

Friend.

_Yes_ , Blaine realizes,  _we're friends._

He tries not to smile, because then it would look Blaine's smiling about Kurt's misery and he can't scare him away now.

"At high school, there was this guy… he hated me, I hated him, but when I tried to be pretentious, he tried to kill me."

Blaine's openly gaping at him.

"I- don't know it that douche would actually kill me, you know, but it still wasn't nice knowing that he walked around on campus," Kurt continues, "So it's no secret that I was unhappy. Sure, I had Mercedes and glee and my dad, but life got worse. Eventually, I found the beauty of the internet," he smiles fondly at whatever memory, "I never knew the internet could help me that much. Do you know what I mean?"

"… Yeah," Blaine says, because of course he does.

"I watched a lot of videos, I read a lot of articles, I spent a lot of time on online forums and slowly, I started to realize that I could be better than that. I could be better than that fragile, unhappy kid from Ohio. I could be so much better-  _'cause I am so much better than before!'_ , right?"

That was Legally Blonde.

"So when Mercedes and I left that shit town behind, I changed. I'm not a completely different person, but I have the feeling that the  _me_ inside of  _me_ , finally became me. Because here, I could be me."

"That still doesn't explain why you're a cliché," Blaine says, "You just embraced a better environment. That's completely normal. Don't act like it's a bad thing."

Kurt doesn't say anything for a while and Blaine wonders if he went too far. Kurt is just staring at him, like he's trying to figure something out. "Why are you so good at this? Like it's your job."

_Well, because it kind of is._

* * *

**_May 2nd 2014_ **

Blaine's walking around his room, eating take-out noodles with his mother's chopsticks. He's racking his brain. Tomorrow is Saturday and he still doesn't have a topic for the Saturday Show.

Then someone knocks on his door.

He used to think it was weird, but by know, he knows it's Kurt. He opens his door without hesitation and Kurt greets him warmly. "Do what do I owe this pleasure?" he asks, licking off his chopsticks, "Normally, you never come over on a Friday."

"Can I come inside?"

Blaine almost drops his food. Sure, he's used to Kurt knocking on his door, but he's never actually been inside his room. Most of the time, Kurt picks him up to go somewhere.

"I didn't clean?" Blaine asks, like that is logical to ask Kurt. Wow, his social skills still fail him.

"Don't care," Kurt just steps inside and Blaine doesn't know what to do. Is he supposed to offer him something to drink now? Oh god, what if he's going to ask for food? Is he supposed to supply him with food? Oh my god, what does he do? Maybe he just needs to wait for Kurt to ask him for anything? But isn't that impolite?

"Uh, Blaine, you've been staring at your floor for the past two minutes," Kurt pulls him out of his trance.

Well, at least he hasn't been thinking out loud.

He awkwardly closes the door behind him and he drops his empty take-out box in the trash bin.  _And what now?_

"What what now?"

Oh shit, this time he did think out loud.

"I mean, is there anything you want?"  _Please don't ask for food or anything, like, I can't do that shit so please bear with me-_

"I am here for your story!" Kurt says happily, like it's obvious. But it's not and the expression on Blaine's face must have made that very clear, because Kurt takes a deep breath and adds: "You've been so kind to me, I mean, listening to my whining about the past. I really want to return the favour. I mean, I've already gathered that you are very, uh, anti-social so I understand if you have difficulties with telling me, but I should tell you-"

" _I got baggage too,"_  Blaine sings. He saw his chance and took it.

Kurt cracks a grin. "That is a good one," he says, "But that isn't an excuse. You've listened to my baggage and now I am here for you. Nice room, by the way." He looks at the posters and he is clearly checking the titles in on his bookshelf and- "Oh, nice camera!"

Blaine blushes. "It- uh, is. Right? And really, you don't have to hear my baggage. I, uh- it's not like I bottle it all up or something."

"Probably true, because I always hear you talking," Kurt says, "I never knew you had friends over."

"I don't!" Blaine blurts out, "I mean, uh, I sort of talk to myself?"

Well, that is such a bad lie.

But Kurt just chuckles. "Yes, I bet these walls are really talkative," he jokes, "All those posters. Do they talk back?"

"Yes, they do," Blaine deadpans, "And, uh, then, uh…" He needs to stop saying 'uh'. "Then, make yourself at home, I guess? I don't have much to offer because I didn't expect anyone."

After a couple of minutes of awkward staring, Blaine's initial debate dies away. Maybe it is good to have someone to talk to. He ought to call Wes, but he doesn't want to annoy him. Wes is probably living a beautiful life without him.

"Uh, I don't know where to start," Blaine admits, "What- What do you want to know? Maybe it's easier if I just answer questions, because I don't know how- what- I-" "Stop, just stop!" Kurt grabs his hands, "Deep breath. Courage."

_Courage._

"I- yes, sorry. Courage, you're right. Courage," gosh, this still is so awkward, "Nice word, don't you think?" "Yes, someone taught me that a couple of years ago, but don't go changing the subject, Anderson."

Blaine starts looking around, not meeting Kurt's eyes.  _This is good,_ Blaine reminds him,  _Yes, this is good for you. It might be completely awkward to sit on your bed with another guy you might, possibly, maybe, like, but this is good. Good._

"Then ask me."

"Good, why are you alone in your room? Do you dislike the students of our floor?"

"I'm not alone, I'm with my talkative walls," Blaine jokes, "But uh, I'm just not good around people. I have a sort of social anxiety. There's been a lot of progress, but being in an unfamiliar environment sort of made me relapse? If I can call it that."

"And is there anything you can do about that?"

"I don't even know," Blaine doesn't want to keep on talking about this, "Next question."

"Why do you never cook?" Kurt asks, "I mean, you're always living on take-off or ready-meals. You told me you don't cook and I guess you're loaded enough to order in every day, but still. Don't you want to make your own food? Mercedes and I love it-"

"Fears!" Blaine quickly yelps, "I- uh, I am afraid of fire and I can't stand heat and all that. I mean, I eat soup with a plastic spoon because otherwise the spoon's too hot, you know?" Of course he doesn't, cause it's stupid. "And sharp stuff. I am afraid of sharp stuff, especially knives. As you can imagine, being afraid of knives and fire isn't that handy when it comes to cooking."

"Okay, so, one last question for today. What do you think of-"

Then someone knocks on the door. Blaine yelps. He always gets startled by sudden and unexpected noises and movement.

Kurt is inside, so who could that be.

"Kurt, are you in here?" Mercedes is bonking on the door.

Kurt seems disappointed that he couldn't ask his last question. "Duty calls," he sighs, "See you around, Blaine. Expect me to come over more often."

_What the fuck._

* * *

**_May 3rd 2014_ **

[holding the camera in his hand] ["Blaine-wave"] _Hey people, Warbler On! You know where to find me_ [winks] _so come talk to me._

_As you can see, this Saturday Show video will be a bit different, I mean, I am holding the camera_ [points to camera]. _Remember that video I did back in 2012 about my Dalton dorm? I showed my room and well, now I'm going to do it again._

[shows room] _So this is the quick overview. You've already seen that wall a_   _lot_  [shows the wall behind] _with my posters above my bed. And this_ [moves camera] _is my "cube"! Isn't it hideous?_  [turns camera back to himself]  _So, it is time for room tour 2.0…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC
> 
> Being afraid of fire, eating with plastic spoons because of the heat, being so goddamn afraid of sharp things., not being able to offer your friends anything to eat or drink... me in a nutshell.
> 
> Also, I was scrolling through my dash the other day, and I saw this gifset of Blaine's Time Capsule. Guess what? He ends the video with saluting and then says: "Blaine Anderson, signing off!" Oh my god.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, Blaine's gonna be a little bit angsty in this one.

**_November 10th 2010_ **

[looks awkwardly]  _Uh, hi, it is me._ [waves in his own way]  _Blaine. So, like I said yesterday, I'm going to start using this channel. I mean, my friends told me to start today, so here I am._

[looks unsure]  _This will be my first official video, so please, bear with_   _me_  [laughs]  _And yeah, I guess I want to talk about dreams._

 _You don't know me yet, but let me tell you that I don't know what to do with my life. I, uh, am very introverted and the thought of going to places scares me_ [shudders slightly] _. I once wanted to be famous, you know? Broadway or music in general, but then I realised that people would look at me and talk to me and- people!_

[apologetic]  _Sorry, I still don't know if it is a good thing to open up. You are all strangers to me. But that used to be my dream. I'm still working on a new one, but that is okay. If you haven't figured it out, then don't feel pressured. Take it slow if needed._

_This is your life. Your feelings. Your dreams._

[checks something on screen] _So, this is a short video, but it's my first. I have to run, sorry._

[looks at his hand] [smiles] [mock salute]  _Blaine… Warbler, signing off._

* * *

**_May 31st 2014_ **

After Blaine started opening up to Kurt, Kurt started trying to help Blaine.

Normally, Blaine would scoff at people who tell them that he just "has to do the thing a several times and poof, he's cured from all his problems in life", but there's something different about Kurt.

He knows that "exposure therapy" only works when he  ** _chooses_** to do the therapy  _despite_  the fear and most of the time, it only works in a controlled setting. Kurt doesn't push him or anything, he is really helping him.

He lets Blaine tag along when he goes out, so Blaine doesn't have to feel alone or awkward (although, he still feels uncomfortable most of the time, but hey he's working on it). Kurt and also Mercedes have been knocking on his door on a daily basis. Mercedes once again was on dinner duty and she let Blaine help with the small things. He also helped him shave that ugly beard ("Holy shit, are you sure that thing isn't alive?") and then he stared at him for way too long, as if he was remembering something, but Blaine let that slide.

Kurt has also started to ask him simple questions about his family and his friends. But also about his favourite things (Kurt might've sung My Favorite Things a several times).

"What is your favourite food?"

"I crave for pizza."

"Same. What is your favourite musical?"

"Next To Normal."

"Isn't that a bit depressing?"

"Your favourite musical is RENT, like that one isn't depressing!"

"Except for Harry Potter, what do you like to read?"

"Fanfiction? Do not judge!"

The questions aren't life changing, but they are nice. It's nice to be able to talk without worrying that you're actually annoying the person you're talking to.

And Blaine is happy.

Sure, he still has his own borders and Kurt respects them. They do not hug or even touch, because they both know that Blaine can't handle physical contact very well. One time, Kurt invited him for a party and Blaine politely declined.

He did help Mercedes and the other students with planning Kurt's birthday party. Sure, Blaine only stayed for an hour, but the smile on Kurt's face made it all worthwhile.

But with good days come bad days.

"Not today," is the first thing Blaine says when he opens the door, "Please."

Kurt doesn't know what to say, so Blaine decides to answer the obvious question. "I am not okay," he says, "I'm not feeling it today, please leave."

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Blaine almost laughs at the thought of that. He can't even help himself on days like this. Days like this are the worst. On days like this, Blaine just wants to lock himself in his room and eat. Or sleep. Or read. Or watch something online. Just something that might cheer him up.

Days like this are the worst, because he has no idea what's going on. He's not really sad, or depressed, or he doesn't feel unhappy. He isn't mad at anyone, including himself, but he's just not feeling it. He's not feeling like doing anything.

All he can do is wait for the day to be over.

* * *

Mercedes shrieks when Kurt suddenly re-enters their room. "I am changing!" she yelps and Kurt sings,  _"I am cha-a-a-anging!"_ Mercedes rolls her eyes.

"Weren't you finally going to ask Blaine out or whatever?" she says, pretending to be annoyed.

"I knew it was a bad idea, y'know, telling you about my crush on our 'next-door-neighbour'," Kurt sighs as he walks straight past her to his bedroom, "And I'd like to remind you that I was planning on asking him out a time ago and you interrupted us!"

"Kurt!" she sing-songs, but she then realizes that something must've happened. She quickly puts on her dress and follows him. "What is going on? Did he reject you?"

"Mercedes, I wasn't even planning on asking him out!" Kurt says. Because he wasn't. Now he knows that he just can't do that.

"Why? You clearly like him and he clearly likes you. Everything is so… clear. It isn't that hard."

"With someone else, it wouldn't be, no," Kurt says, "But this is Blaine we're talking about." Mercedes is looking at him, expectantly. Kurt hasn't told her, obviously. Blaine has trusted him and Kurt can't just go blabbing around. Then again, it is Mercedes. Kurt knows she also cares a lot about Blaine and Mercedes must've noticed something is up with him.

"Fine, don't tell me," Mercedes sighs, but there isn't any malice. She must've understood that he can't tell her, "But promise me something, okay?"

Kurt nods absently.

"Do not blame yourself for this, okay? I assume he's having a bad day and that there's nothing you can do," Mercedes says, "Don't feel bad for the fact that you can't help him today, uh?"

She turns around and leaves and Kurt has time to think. Mercedes is right. She's always been his voice of wisdom. Well, she and this other person online.

Speaking of that person… he hasn't watched the videos in so long. It's been years. Maybe he should. Kurt doesn't think as he starts up his laptop. He doesn't think when he clicks on the videos. He doesn't think when he sees that the channel has been updated.

He does think when a familiar face appears.

* * *

Blaine finishes his post and publishes it on his blog. This is the first time in a very long time he has to write a post like this. He doesn't like skipping videos, but he's not even feeling it to do a Saturday Show.

Instead of doing that, he ends up watching musicals. He should go to class, but he doesn't want to. He's already called the library to tell them he isn't coming. He just wants to sit back and watch musicals.

He tries not to sing out loud, since he still has to share this floor with other students, but when he hears the opening notes of his favourite song, he can't resist it.

_I am what you want me to be,_   
_And I'm your worst fear_   
_You'll find it in me._   
_Come closer..._   
_Come closer..._

He rips off his earbuds. He can't sit still during this goddamn song.

_I am more than memory_   
_I am what might be,_   
_I am mystery._   
_You know me_   
_So show me._

He doesn't exactly know how much he can relate to this song, but he still feels like he can.

 _When I appear it's_  
_Not so clear if_  
 _I'm a simple spirit_  
 _Or I'm flesh and blood..._

He jumps out of his seat and dances.

 _But I'm alive,_  
_I'm alive,_  
 _I am so alive,_  
 _And I feed on the fear_  
 _That's behind your eyes._

No one can see him dance like this, which is a relief.

 _And I need you_  
_To need me_  
 _It's no surprise_  
 _I'm alive..._  
 _So alive..._  
 _I'm alive._

Maybe he should record it. His followers have been craving for a music video for so long.

 _I am flame and I am fire,_  
_I am destruction,_  
 _Decay and desire_  
 _I'll hurt you..._  
 _I'll heal you..._

Another time, maybe.

_I'm your wish,_   
_Your dream come true,_   
_And I am your darkest_   
_Nightmare too_   
_I've shown you..._   
_I own you._

Again, the lyrics doesn't fit his situation at all, but he still feels a rush of energy while singing this.

_And though you made me,_   
_You can't change me_   
_I'm the perfect stranger_   
_Who knows you too well._

_And I'm alive,_   
_I'm alive,_   
_I am so alive,_   
_And I'll tell you the truth_   
_If you let me try._

_You're alive,_  
_I'm alive,_  
_And I'll show why_  
_I'm alive..._  
_So alive..._

Would it be too embarrassing to play air guitar even though there isn't a guitar solo in this song?

_I'm alive_   
_I'm right behind you._   
_You say forget,_   
_But I remind you._   
_You can try to hide,_   
_You know that I will find you._   
_'Cause if you won't grieve me_   
_You won't leave me behind..._

Ah, this is his jam. After all this time, music is his relief. Sometimes he wonders if he should've gone to NYU to study music after all.

_Ah, ah, ah,_   
_Whoa, oh, oh,_   
_Whoa, oh, oh..._   
_No, no, no_   
_I'm alive,_   
_I'm alive,_   
_I am so alive,_   
_If you climb on my back,_   
_Then we both can fly._

He knows that this won't change his shitty day, but it is a small bright spot.

_If you try to deny me_   
_I'll never die_   
_I'm alive..._   
_So alive..._   
_I'm alive..._   
_Yeah, yeah..._   
_I'm alive..._   
_I'm alive..._   
_I'm alive..._   
_I'm alive!_

* * *

Kurt goes to the library later that day. Sure, there's a lack of Blaine, but it has also become Kurt's save haven. He wasn't lying to Blaine when he told him he sometimes needed a break from the social life on their floor.

He sits at their table for more than an hour, before he goes back to the dorms. And the students of the floor are once again abuzz. Kurt wonders if Mercedes gave, like, a small concert. But he's surprised to see everyone standing at door 206.

"Kurt, come here!" Leidra hisses and motions to him to come quickly.

"Is there a reason you're all listening at Blaine's door?" He won't like that.

"Dude, Kurt, did you know that 206- I mean, Blaine could sing like that?" Danny is amazed, which means something. That convinces Kurt to listen too and he can't hide the smile on his face when he hears Blaine singing I'm Alive.

"Holy shit, I never knew he had this in him. Does anyone know what he's studying at NYU?" Roberto asks and others shake their heads, "Kurt?" "Undecided," Kurt replies quickly so that he can continue listening.

"Has he considered music?" Rebecca wonders and Kurt knows he has, but since Blaine's sure he won't do that, he decides to remain silent.

"I didn't know he had this in him," Michael says, "I mean, can't deny that he has changed, because he leaves his room more often, but sometimes when I pass him in the hallways, it looks like he doesn't want to see us." Manja nods in agreement. "True, we're finally on speaking terms- do not judge, he's cute- but every time I see him in the library, he doesn't sit with us. Why? Is he afraid."

Kurt doesn't know what to say, but before he has time to make up his mind, the music fades away.

When the song ends, everyone is shocked as the door opens. "… what the," Blaine obviously isn't used to all these people.

"Dude, that was awesome!" Tamara squeals.

And Blaine smiles. It's weak and he's clearly still upset, but it is genuine.

* * *

**_June 7th 2014_ **

["Blaine-wave"] _Hey there, Warble On! If you need me, scroll down._

 _First of all, I'd like to apologize for missing my Saturday Show last week, but I-_ [trails off] _I get you know why. Anyway, for today's Saturday Show, I'd like to talk about musicals. It's not a secret that I love them._

 _Recently, my friend_ [smiles widely when mentioning his friend]  _has been trying to drag me to Broadway and I think I should do it, you know?_

 _Anyway, before we continue_ [gets up] _, I have a treat for you_ [music starts] …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC
> 
> This bad day thing wasn't supposed to happen, but when I was still working on chapter 4, I had one of those day and I decided to put it in the story. I basically put everything that has happened to me in the past week in it.
> 
> About the song I'm Alive... I know the lyrics doesn't fit the story and Blaine's mood, but still, this song cheers me up every time. Nex To Normal isn't my favourite musical (in fact, I agree with Kurt on RENT), but I watched this before I started writing this and I thought the musical fit TWART!Blaine, since this Blaine is very interested in human emotions etc.
> 
> Also, I really wanted him to sing I'm Alive.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the last chapter, but then I realized that I hadn't explored Blaine's family yet. I went out for dinner with my family and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

**_July 30th 2011_ **

["Blaine-wave"]  _Hey y'all, Warble On! I hope you're having a great day and if not, you know where to find me._

_As you can see, I'm shooting this video somewhere else. This isn't my dorm room, but my, well, real room, because it is summer!_  [happy squeal] _That also means that I'm back home with my family. Therefore I want to talk about family._

_It is no secret that my dad and I aren't that close. In fact, after he found out about my channel he started going on how this wasn't a good idea bla bla bla_  [rolls eyes]

_Anyway, I just want you to know that it is okay to dislike your family if you have a good reason for it. I know lot of people out there tell you you're obligated to love them, but if they don't love you, don't feel bad for not loving them too. You are valid..._

* * *

**_June 12th 2014_ **

Finals are approaching and the floor is abuzz. The summer students are studying like crazy. No one goes out anymore, except for classes or for the library, and the common has been turned into a study hall. Piles of books are everywhere. The Tuesday dinners have also changed to "study-dinners" and Blaine has participated in some of them –which he's proud of.

As a fall student, he doesn't have finals, but he has midterms. That's also a lot of work. Due the fact that he has those midterms, Blaine has met a couple of other fall students and apparently, Rebecca and Danny are fall students too.

He's still not that comfortable being around them, because he still doesn't sit with them when he sees them in the library, but he's improving.

Since Kurt (and also Mercedes) are very busy, Blaine has fallen back into his old routine, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it's comforting that he still has a routine he can rely on. The only difference is that he does talk to people.

He still doesn't want to bother them. Now that he knows that people have heard him sing, he tries not to. He never shares his interests. He never shares awesome videos he saw online. He never shares. He doesn't want to annoy people.

Of course, Kurt is an exception, but Kurt is only one person.

"Hey 206!" Leidra yells to him, "You're the human emotion smart-ass, right?" He's come to the conclusion that he doesn't mind being called 206. He's come to the conclusion that Leidra yells a lot. He's come to the conclusion that he  _is_  the human emotion smart-ass on the floor.

He's also come to the conclusion that no matter how much this entire being social thing confuses him, he can still talk to other people too after he gets to know them enough.

* * *

Blaine has other things on his mind. It's almost summer and he doesn't know if he should go home. The last time he spoke to Cooper, Cooper made it clear that he was going home, but this is their first summer without dad.

Dad.

Blaine sighs deeply. Maybe he should go home after all, to support his mom. He knows that is the reason Cooper is going, even though his older brother pretends that's not the case.

And then again, Kurt and Mercedes are going home too. According to Mercedes, it absolutely kills Kurt that he's separated from his dad, especially after the death of his brother.

There will still be other students of the floor staying, but it's not the same. He knows that it might be bad that he depends so much on his friend and Mercedes (he's still not sure about what to call her), but he's not in the mood to seek out for new people anytime soon. He's happy with Kurt (and Mercedes).

He will worry about this later. First he needs to ace his midterms.

* * *

**_August 3rd 2014_ **

He's on the plane to Lima after all. Kurt is sitting next to him, reading the newest edition of Vogue and Mercedes has fallen asleep a couple of minutes ago.

The last couple of weeks have been crazy. Everything goes so fast.

When they arrive in Lima, his mom and Cooper are waiting for him. His mother immediately runs over and hugs him. Of course, Blaine doesn't hug back. His mother and Cooper are some of the only people that, well, can hug him. Blaine never hugs back and they know it, but they also know that they're one of the only ones that can actually hug him.

No one else can (although, Kurt has started patting his shoulder, because Kurt knows Blaine can't stand hugging and Blaine appreciates it).

They usher him into the car before Blaine can even say goodbye to Kurt and Mercedes and during the drive back home, his mother can't stop asking questions about New York.

"Ma, if you want to know so badly, you should move to New York too," Cooper eventually cuts her off. Cooper knows that Blaine can't possibly answer all the questions.

"I am just so excited that the two of you are home! Oh I can't wait till tonight."

"Tonight?" Blaine asks, worried. He knows his mother.

"I don't feel like cooking today, so we're going to Breadstix. Just the three of us for a change, wouldn't that be nice." Cooper nods blankly. Everyone knows she's referring to their dad.

Blaine doesn't even react. He doesn't like going out for dinner. Most of the time, it was completely unexpected and it messed with his schedule he made for the day. When he went to Dalton, he didn't have to worry about it anymore. Also, at that moment the marriage between his parents started to collapse, so they hardly went out anymore.

"Aren't you looking forward to it, Blaine?" his mother is looking at him through the mirror. Blaine shrugs. "Why not?" Looks like he just has to plaster a smile on his face and then he has to survive the evening.

But he knows that his mother knows better.

* * *

Breadstix hasn't changed at all. The interior is still ugly, the music is still bad and the food is still gross. Still, the entire population of this part of Ohio goes here on a regular basis.

As his mom and Coop chatter excitedly, Blaine just looks around. He's always done that. Everyone around him talks and Blaine doesn't listen. It is not like he's not interested, but he knows he won't be able to hear most of it due the fact that it is always crowded, so why bother. While his family is talking, Blaine is creating a story in his head as he does so often. Restaurants are the perfect places for it. He likes watching people eat. He likes creating stories about them.

He quickly checks the time. They've been here for twenty minutes; it's too early to "go to the bathroom" aka to hide away for a good five minutes so that he can think in peace and quiet.

It isn't like his family makes him uncomfortable (okay, his dad did), but he just doesn't like going out for dinner. He doesn't like sitting still, eating and talking. He could do so much more, but he's wasting his time in a restaurant.

"... friends, Blaine?"

Blaine quickly looks back to his mom and brother. They're waiting for him to say something. "I'm sorry, what?"

His mother looks sad and Cooper sighs deeply. "Blaine..." Cooper slowly shakes his head. Blaine looks down on his plate. He knows why they're reacting like this. They were probably hoping that New York had changed him, but nope, he's still as anti-social during dinners as always.

Still as anti-social as always and his family knows it. Even on his own birthdays when he was surrounded by people he actually likes, he still preferred sitting in his room on his own. Eventually he started asking Dalton friends to attend his "family" birthday.

Earlier this evening, his mother has slammed the booklet with the menu shut and Blaine shrieked and almost jumped out of his seat. Then, his mother had also said: "Still get shocked every time, uh?" She had tried to joke, but her eyes gave it away that she was sad that he still jumps every time he hears an unexpected sound.

"Mom was asking if you already made friends," Cooper says, looking hopeful and great _\- he and mom are fishing._

He knows they both think he isn't going to make it in the living world due the fact that he has this weird kind of social anxiety. When Blaine told them (and his dad) a year ago that he wanted to move out and go to another state, everyone was so surprised, they basically shat themselves and Blaine doesn't blame them.

"I have," he lies, not wanting to disappoint them, "There are great people on my floor."

"What are their names, sweetie," his mother asks sweetly, but Blaine knows she isn't convinced and that she's still fishing.

"Uh, Rebecca and Danny and Leidra, uh, Roberto, Michael..."  _Gosh who else? **WHO ELSE?**_  Kurt and Mercedes, obviously, but Blaine doesn't want to share their names. Not yet.

His mother is clearly surprised, but still not satisfied. "How nice, tell me about them."

When Blaine doesn't answer, because he can't, Cooper just falls back in his seat. "I knew it," he says.

"Cooper!" his mom hisses, but Blaine isn't fazed by Cooper's reaction. He knows his brother still doesn't fully understand him, even though they're close, and therefore says insensitive things. Insensitive, but true.

"Mom, don't act so surprised. We both knew this was going to happen."

Blaine looks away and when he hears the door being slammed shut, he almost jumps again. But then he sees Kurt and two adults Blaine recognizes as his parents.

"That is my friend," Blaine says, still looking at them. Cooper and his mom both turn around to follow his gaze. When Kurt spots them, he waves and smiles widely. He then tugs on his dad's arm and gestures him to follow him.

"Hey," Kurt pats Blaine on the shoulder.

"Hi."

Cooper tries to hide his surprise –but fails- and his mom looks like she's about to cry from happiness.

* * *

**_August 7th 2014_ **

When Cooper just barges into his room, Blaine tries not to cry out loud. He stops his music (he never shares it, because he doesn't want to annoy people) and turns around. His face must've shown his annoyance, because Cooper takes a step back when he sees his brother.

"Still, Squirt?" He's referring to the fact that Blaine always hates it when Cooper barges into his room. Cooper is Blaine's opposite. Whereas Blaine wants to be left alone, Cooper craves for attention and especially Blaine's.

For example, he keeps asking him useless stuff. He keeps offering him useless stuff. Gosh, he even keeps giving him useless stuff. And Blaine knows he means well - they weren't always this close – but it still annoys the fuck out of him. He's never liked recieving gifts or asking for things.

"Not today?"

_Never._

"Not today," Blaine nods.

"Oh Squirt," Cooper reaches out to touch him, but Blaine flinches. Cooper sighs deeply. "Still? You're hurting ma's feeling by doing that."

"I know."

"Then why do you do it?"

"… I don't know."

Cooper throws up his hands in surrender and slowly backs away and when he leaves, he closes the door (it took Blaine three years to teach him that). He does it all without complaining.

Even though he's an idiot, he's one of the only people who, in a way, understands Blaine.

* * *

**_August 9th 2014_ **

["Blaine-wave"] _Hello-ah, Warble On! I hope you're having a nice break and well, do I really have to say it? [points down]_

_[looks around him] And, ah, as you can see, I'm back in my old childhood bedroom_ [looks nostalgic]. _Anyway, since I'm back home, I feel like I should talk about something 'home-related' for this Saturday Show._

[nods] _And yep, I'm going to talk about this god awful restaurant called Breadstix._ [laughs] _Wow, it really is awful. You might wonder why I'm going to waste my time on that shack, but I don't even know. I should be talking about anything more fandom related. But I'm feeling nostalgic…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC
> 
> Once again, Blaine is me in this story. The hugging, the flinching, the staring... my family situation is different though. And just like glee, let's pretend that Westerville and Lima aren't two hours away.
> 
> The big difference is his family situation, though. My parents are still together, for example I do have a sibling, but she's nothing like Cooper. She does keep on showering me in gifts and she does keep on barging in my room, so I made Cooper act a little bit like her.
> 
> And the shoulder pat... my friend does that, because she knows I freak out if she hugs me and I like it.
> 
> Also, if you are reading this, then thank you for keeping up with my baggage.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER! The actual last chapter is here. It's a bit longer than others, because I unexpectedly put a song in it, but hey, they're glee kids.
> 
> I honestly don't know how to feel about this chapter, but let's go with it...  
> Also, small heads up. In the lyrics there is tiny, vague reference to self-harm, but it's very tiny.

**_February 13th 2013_ **

["Blaine-wave"] [looks tired]  _Uh, hey there, Warble On_. [points down without saying a thing, but his fans get what he means]

 _Sorry I've been so absent lately, but_ … [head in his head] _I don't even know what's going on. Is this adulthood?_

[sighs] [smiles, sort of] _Anyway, time for Wednesday Well-being and guess what day it is tomorrow? Yes, that's right, I'm actually going to talk about love._ [finally cracks a grin]  _I should've, like, prepared a song for the occasion._

_But anyway, let's talk about lo-o-o-ve. By the way, due time issues I will be eating during this video. If you're not comfortable with that, then I'd advise you to skip this video, no matter how sappy this video will be._

_There are many kinds of love. Family, friends, platonic and of course romantic. And even though tomorrow will celebrate love, I want you to remember that it is also okay if you want to be single. We live in a love crazed society, I know it, but this day is also for you! Use it to stuff yourself with food, for instance_ [raises his bowl with noodles]

_Most important is to love yourself…_

* * *

**_September 1st 2014_ **

And he's back in the city. A lot has happened over summer break. First summer without his dad was weird, but not unpleasant. Speaking of his dad, he has seen him. He and Kurt were having coffee at this place called the Lima Bean when his dad came in. Their eyes met briefly, but both of them quickly looked away.

It was yet another day of Blaine telling Kurt about his baggage.

Cooper was being Cooper; he kept on asking Blaine if he wanted to go somewhere. He kept on trying to give Blaine stuff. He kept on trying to talk to him. Blaine knows he's only trying to be nice, but Cooper is his opposite. Blaine wants quiet, Cooper wants everyone around him.

Also "career-wise" stuff happened. Blaine once again got another invite for VidCon and once again, other Youtubers have asked him for a collab. And for the first time, he accepted both offers. He's still jittery, but he's also proud of himself.

Anyway, he will think about those things later. Now, he has to settle back into his dorm room. As a fall student, his second semester starts. For Kurt and Mercedes, their  ** _third_** year starts this week.

When he hears the knock of the door, he yells for Kurt to come in- he knows it's Kurt.

"Hi," Kurt says awkwardly, which is unsettling. He's been that way for quite a while now. On their flight back home, they barely spoke. Something is wrong and if there's one thing Blaine can do, it's listening.

But then again, Kurt has been staring at Blaine like he's this alien creature and Kurt is trying to make sense out of it.

"Can I have something to drink?" Kurt asks and normally, it'd be rude, but for Blaine it's a relief. Kurt knows that Blaine can't offer him anything without Kurt asking for it first. It is weird and his mom has never liked it, but it works perfectly.

"Sure, if you tell me what is going on," Blaine already makes his way to his small kitchen.

Kurt looks like a deer caught in a headlight –and shit, he's cute. Blaine shakes his head slightly.  _Focus, Blaine, he clearly has baggage today so it's no time to swoon over him._

"N-Nothing is wrong," Kurt stammers.

"Yeah, you're a horrible liar," Blaine laughs sheepishly and he reaches for some glasses on the top shelves, "You've been looking at me for weeks by now. Why?"

Kurt is silent.

"I'm waiting…" Blaine says playfully (maybe it's better to drive away the possible tension?) as he pours them their drinks.

"Are you BWA?" Kurt blurts out and Blaine, taken aback, spills the drinks. He quickly cleans his small kitchen with his sleeve, which he immediately regrets, and turns back to Kurt.

"W-what?"

"BWA. On YouTube," Kurt says while looking at Blaine's camera, "Of course you're BWA. I've watched every goddamn video on your channel this summer. I just need you to say it." He's turns back to Blaine.

"I-"

"Say it."

Blaine puts down the glasses and takes a deep breath. "Yes, I am BWA, aka Blaine Warbler Anderson."

He didn't know what to expect, but it wasn't…

Kurt throws a fist in the air. "I KNEW IT!" he shouts, "I FUCKING KNEW IT ALL ALONG!" He rushes to Blaine and pats him on the shoulder (so he basically hugged him). "The minute I saw you, I knew I recognized you, but I didn't know why. But then I saw your camera and then you shaved that creepy beard… oh man, I used to watch your videos, but then you left. I didn't know you started doing this again, oh god!" Another pat on the shoulder, a hard one.

"Uh…"

"I owe you so much!" Another pat. Gosh, there's a lot of patting/'hugging' today and Blaine doesn't know how to feel about it.

And suddenly, Kurt got really serious. Blaine had dealt with mood swings before –have you seen his brother?- but Kurt just went to overexcited to… this.

"You have no idea how much you meant to me," Kurt says  _and oh shit he's going to cry_ , "Your videos helped me so, so much with everything. You know my baggage, well I should tell you how much your videos helped me overcoming all that baggage. And I got lots of them."

"I'm glad I could help," Blaine says and awkwardly pats Kurt's shoulder. Leidra may call him 'human emotion smart-ass', but he has no idea how to react.

Is he supposed to accept his gratefulness?

Is he supposed to say something meaningful in return?

_Is he supposed to **hug**  him?_

_Oh god, what is he supposed to do? Jesus, he is a fucking self-love Youtuber, he's supposed to know these things but now his best friend is freaking out in front of his and Blaine has no idea what to do and he's freaking out because he's being such a bad friend now and_

"A-Are you okay?" Kurt asks and  _oh fuck_ Blaine's trembling. He keeps clenching and unclenching his fists and eventually he settles on hugging himself.

"Blaine?"

_Okay, calm down take a deep breath... one, two, three, I love Drarry- wow, such a sucky line- okay, not the point Blaine! Calm down._

"… I don't know what to say or do," he admits, "Please, don't think that I'm, like, good at these things because of everything I post on my channel, because you must've noticed that I'm not as confident as I appear. I can't- I don't even know anymore."

"I owe you, still," Kurt says, "You don't need to say anything, I just want you to know that you're an inspiration."

And something snaps in Blaine. "No, no, no…" he quickly says, "You don't owe me, you owe yourself! I might've pushed you in certain directions, but you're the one making your choices and by doing that, you're helping yourself. Thank you that I mean a lot to you, but you mean a lot to you too."

A single tear rolls down Kurt's cheek.

"See, you  **are**  good at these things."

* * *

**_September 16th 2014_ **

In the beginning, it's a bit weird. Kurt now knows of his biggest- well, it technically never was a secret, but Blaine never thought about bringing it up.

Especially making videos is weird. Blaine knows that Kurt watches them, which isn't a bad thing because he also knows that his Dalton friends still watch them too, but it is weird.

Kurt didn't "dehumanize" him, though, which is nice. He still sees him as Blaine, just Blaine, and not as BWA, his idol from YouTube.

Everything is okay.

* * *

"Check out, please," Kurt hands him a couple of books and Blaine notices something is different about Kurt. He looks nervous.

When Blaine looks down to the books, he understands why.

_I Like You, You Like Me?_

_How To Ask People Out: a Guide for Dummies_

_The First Date_

"Oh..."

"So..." he really is nervous, "Yes or no?"

While Kurt is clearly waiting for an answer, Blaine has the song "Hey #3/Perfect For You (reprise)" in his head.

"I'd love to..." Blaine trails off.

Kurt's face falls "But?"

"But."

Kurt rapidly shakes his head as he tries to recollect the books. "This was stupid- oh my god, why did I even think-" Blaine grabs his hands before Kurt can go away.

"No, no, I mean, I really want to go on a date with you," Blaine says hurriedly and then proceeds to sing quietly –they're still in a library after all-, " _I should tell you I'm disaster/I forget how to begin it._ "

"You're not a disaster," Kurt says.

"But I am," Blaine protests, "I- I don't even know. Prepare for another baggage talk; I don't know what's going on. I don't know if you believe in self-diagnosis, but there is something, I can't really say wrong, with me. I'm not depressed, in fact, being here in New York, making videos… I've never been happier. But there's something with me and I can't tell you what and I don't know how I will react on this. On, uh, us." He tries not to blush.

"But I don't know. I can, well, live with myself, but on some days I can't help but wonder where it went wrong, you know ?What if it turns out that something  _is_ wrong with me and you're stuck with me. What if we end up being together for long, what if _… You say that right here_ _/But then give it a year/Or 10 years or a lifespan/And I could end up your man/Sitting staring at walls/Throwing shit down the stairs/Freaking out at the store/Running nude down the street/Bleeding out in the bath._ "

Okay, that is an exaggeration, but it does sum up Blaine's feelings. Sort of.

And to Blaine's surprise, Kurt sings back.

" _Perfect for you/I will be perfect for you/So you could go crazy/Or I could go crazy, it's true/Sometimes life isn't sane/But crazy I know I can do/Cause crazy is perfect/And fucked up is perfect/So I will be perfect_ ," and when Blaine thinks it can't get any better, Kurt continues to sing. "But then again:  _Let's just make this part go faster/I have yet to be in it_ _/I should tell you…_ "

So Blaine jumps in, because something has changed. He can't really explain it, but all that he knows it that there's something different. It's a good different. Kurt has always been inviting, but now it feels like he has to.

_I should tell you_

Kurt smiles back and he offers his the books.

_I should tell you_

Blaine takes back the books with a grin.

_I should tell—_

Kurt smiles and sings

 _I should tell I blew the candle out_ _  
Just to get back in_

Blaine knows he's referring to the salt and continues

 _I'd forgotten how to smile_ _  
Until your candle burned my skin_

Kurt's grin widens

_I should tell you_

Blaine checks out the books, still looking at Kurt. Kurt... trusts him. It feels good. This feels good. He might have no idea what's happening, but it is good.

_I should tell you_

Kurt is looking back

_I should tell you_

Together they sing

 _I should tell-_  
_Well, here we go_  
_Now we—_

Blaine sings, without realizing, a little bit louder

 _Oh no_  
_I know there's something in_  
_Here goes_

Kurt sings back, also louder

_Here goes_

Blaine gives him his books back and nods.  _Yes_ , he thinks,  _yes..._

 _If so, it's starting to_ _  
Who knows?_

Kurt accepts them, gracefully

_Who knows?_

Blaine leaves the counter and takes Kurt's hand

 _Who knows where?_  
_Who goes there?_  
_Who knows?_  
_Here goes_  
_Trusting desire, starting to learn_  
_Walking through fire without a burn_  
_Clinging a shoulder, a leap begins_  
_Stinging and older, asleep on pins_  
_So here we_ _go_  
_Now we—_

Blaine almost pulls back, but he suddenly doesn't want to

_Oh no_

Kurt smiles knowingly

_I know_

Blaine repeats

_Oh no_

Together they end the song.

 _Who knows where?_  
_Who goes there?_  
_Here goes, here goes, here goes, here goes_  
_Here goes, here goes_

"So, is that a yes?" Kurt grins hopefully.

Blaine grabs his hand and squeezes it. "A double yes."

As they leave the building, hand in hand, the people in the library burst out in an applause.

* * *

**_December 27th 2014_ **

["Blaine-wave"] [grins widely _] Hey guys, Warble On and I hope you're having a happy, late, Christmas_ [points downstairs, but then points to his head; he's wearing reindeer antlers]  ** _I made him do that._** [rolls eyes]  _Yes, but I made you wear a Santa hat. Achievement!_

 **[shakes head] _My hair, Blaine, my hair!_** [pouts]  _I like your hair._  [turns back to camera]  _Anyway, even though it is a Saturday, I'd like to talk about something more Wednesday-related and as you can see, I have someone with me._

 **[nods]** _Guys, this is my boyfriend, Kurt. I've mentioned him before._ **[laughs _] More like every other vlog!_  **[jerks head towards Kurt]  _How do you kno- **I watch your vlogs, too, remember?**_

[back to camera]  _Anyway, back to today's topic. Fear. Wow, I've been doing this for four years and I haven't tackled this subject yet. **I can't believe it either.**_  [swats playfully]  _Stop interrupting me!_

 **[grins]** [rolls eyes] [back to camera]  _You might wonder why I'm doing this- it's a Saturday after all. Well, that's simple. It is no secret that I'm afraid of a lot of things._  [looks at something out of the frame]  _Stuff from the past has haunted me for so long…_   **[holds him]** _But in the last three months, a lot has changed._

[stares lovingly at Kurt]  **[returns the stare]**  [back to screen]  _It's still hard, I must say that. I know that some phobias will never leave me, but I'm slowly overcoming some of my fears. I've started talking to students of my floor more often, for example. I've done my first collabs with other Youtubers_ *links appear on screen*  _and I will attend VidCon. I have declared a major too! And as you can see, Kurt is hugging me_ **[smiles]** _, which is like a freaking huge deal for me._

 ** _And he's going to make me dinner after this video._**  [laughs sheepishly]  _True, true, I'm scared shitless, but for you… **Thank you.**_

_But anyway, like I said, this hasn't been easy. People around us tell us that we just have to overcome our fears without understanding that we can't. It's almost New Year… One of my New Year's Resolutions will be continuing to work on my life, but also accepting that I can't do it all. And that is okay too. I have to do it all in my own pace._

_If this won't be your New York's Resolution, that is okay too. Like I said: your own pace._   **[nods in agreement]**

I _just want you to know, oh god, this is going to sound so cliché_ **[laughs]** [once again stares lovingly at Kurt] _but thing really_ will _get better._

Anyway, [mock salute] _Blaine Warbler Anderson_  [nudges Kurt]  **[laughs] _and Kurt no-cool-alias-as-second-name Hummel_** [grins]  _Signing off!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC
> 
> Oh yeah, there will be an epilogue!
> 
> But still, I'd like to thank you for reading. This story has been, well, weird in many ways but it sort of worked.
> 
> Also, shoutout to All The Other Ghosts, its sequel Grey (both by rainjoyswriting) and Dalton (by CP Couler). Why? You gotta read them to find out, because I put some references to both of them in it.
> 
> Although them singing I Should Tell You/Perfect For You (reprise) sort of happened? Now that I'm alread promoting fanfics (I always do, I mean, it isn't a fic written by me without me promoting other people's work), while writing this I stumbled upon this YouTuber!Klaine drabble by chatterboxrose (chatterboxrose . tumblr post/122714242286/so-last-night-i-started-thinking-about) and I felt like sharing. It is nothing like this fic, but I loved it so much.
> 
> And yeah... thank you.


	8. Chapter 8: Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is... the epilogue of These Walls Are Really Talkative.

**_September 16th 2017_ **

[white sheet appears on screen] [voice off-screen]  _Hey there, Warble On! I hope you are having a lovely day, if not, my ask box is still open after all these years! Links in the description of this video._

 _Ah, now you might wonder: 'what is this video?' or maybe you've already seen the title of this video. Yup, I'm finally doing a 'Draw-My-Life' video with the help of…_   **[also off-screen _] Hi!_** _It's our anniversary today. **He's grinning like an idiot while saying that.** Oh shut up!_

_Anyway, let's get started, uh._

[hand appears on screen] [holding a Sharpie]  _So this is me_  [draws a well-drawn mini version of himself]  _When I was thirteen, I realized I was gay_  [draws an entire rainbow] **[helps]**

[new page _] I came out when I was fourteen_  [drawn!Blaine steps out of the closet]  _and well, things didn't work out_  [drawn!Blaine is sad]  _because as we all might know, trigger warning, I got beaten the shit out of me and my friend. I'm not going to draw that. **Understandable.**_

[new sheet]  _So I went to Dalton_  [draws Dalton Academy crest] [drawn!Blaine wearing a blazer]  _where I met my friends **who are coming over this weekend!**_  [sounds excited _] Yes, they are. Anyway, it was just a silly bet. I had to start a YouTube channel_  [draws his friends with smiling faces, handing drawn!Blaine a camera]

 _So I started BWA_  [draws YouTube logo] _. Blaine Warbler A, because you didn't know my name back then. The Warbler part because my friends and I were part of this acapella choir called the Warblers. **Cuuuute.** And I started making videos about self-help, but also about other things._ [draws WEDNESDAY WELL-BEING and SATURDAY SHOW] *annotation: again, thanks Trent!*

 _And surprisingly, people started watching it. **Including me.** Including you._ [drawn!Blaine behind his laptop, looking surprised]  _And basically, nothing really changed after that- I mean, I am a man of routine and schedule. But then I turned eighteen._  [new page] [drawn!Blaine wearing a button saying '18']  _and things started to get bad._

 _The pressure of school and the fact that it was ending became too much. The thought of me having to go out there and start planning a future was too much. I stopped making videos_  [drawn!Blaine puts camera in a drawer and looks sad]  _and tried to focus on those last months without the additional pressure of BWA._

 _I decided to go to NYU without a major and well… **He became a recluse, basically**_ **[drawn!Blaine in his room]** [mutters]  _Your drawing of me is way better… So then_  [draws Kurt] _**OH MY GOD.** But you will join the story later on._

[new page] [drawn!Blaine looking 'homeless']  _Kurt didn't recognize me because I looked horrible. **I did! But I just wasn't sure because college!Blaine didn't look like Dalton!Blaine at all! That beard was alive, I swear.** Yes, so glad you eventually helped me shave. _[sighs] [sarcastic]  _Isn't it fun to be afraid of freaking razors?_

[drawn!Blaine picks up camera]  _So, maybe I might've been a recluse- sort of- but I did start making videos again. Meanwhile, Kurt started to recognize me as a friendly face, I guess and we started to talk a lot._ [draws Kurt next to drawn!Blaine]  _Oh, you are adorable!_

_And Kurt slowly started to help me with my problems in several ways. Somewhere, he fell for me. **True, very true.** Did I fall for Kurt? Gosh, I don't even know. Everything was confusing. I mean, sure I thought he was cute but I didn't know if I liked him or not.  **Well, you did say yes when I asked you out on our first date.**_

_That's the moment I realized I did like you._   **[coos]**

 _So, but yeah, I think we already went too far in the story_  [new page]  **[swats Blaine's hand away]** Hey!  ** _Oh sweetheart, you forgot that around that time you started grooming yourself again and I started to recognize you as BWA, one of my inspirations._**

_Yes, but you didn't tell me till after summer break! **Because I didn't know how to approach the subject.** Yes, because I am fragile.  **Was fragile.** Good days and bad days, Kurt. I still have those days I'm just not feeling it._

**_… True._ **

_Anyway, we started to date_  [drawn!Blaine kissing drawn!Kurt]  _and as you may know, we'd like to keep that part private. **There were some problems in the beginning.** But here we are, still together._  **[sounds fondly] _Still together._**

[laughs sweetly]  _Anyway, the year went by and Kurt graduated._   **[drawn!Kurt holding a diploma, looking proud]** _And together we moved out of the dorms to this nice lil apartment._  [drawn!Blaine and drawn!Kurt unpacking boxes]

 _There, I, of course, continued my video making and I started making videos more often_  [drawn!Blaine filming something with his phone]  _so yeah, you can say that I became an active vlogger._

[new page]  _Then, I graduated too and even though I'm still looking for something to do with my degree_  [drawn!Blaine is also holding a diploma, but looks unsure]  _I'm happy making videos. You can say that I'm a real Youtuber._

**_You've always been a real Youtuber._ ** _Aaaw, thank you, darling._

[new page]  _But yeah, here we are_ [draws himself once again, but this time as a grown up]  _The last couple of years have been crazy, but great. I've done a lot of bad stuff in the past, but every day I wake up I remember something Kurt's friend once told me._   **[grins]**

_"You can't change your past, but you can let go and change the future' and man, I love that quote. Chills everywhere._

_Anyway, this has been my life so far. I'd like to thank all of you for the past seven years, it's been a blessing and god- now it sounds like I'm saying goodbye! I'm not saying goodbye, people! I will be here for another seven years_  [laughs] [new page]

 _Anyway… Courage._  [draws big 'courage' drawing and adds drawn!Blaine]  **[helps]**

[drawn!Blaine saluting]  _Blaine Warbler Anderson_  [waits]  **[drawn!Kurt saluting too]**   ** _and Kurt Porcelain Hummel_** _signing off!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END
> 
> Oh god here it is here it is it is the actual end oh man oh man oh- thank you. Really, thank you. This fic has been quite therapeutic in a way. The quote is Quinn's, by the way, she said it in Michael after she sang Never Can Say Goodbye. The date (September 16th) is my birthday, he he he. I was planning on trying to set it in March (you know, March 15th...), but it was so convenient that their anniversairy falls on a Saturday in 2017. I didn't even plan on that.
> 
> And yeah... I'm not good with saying goobyes (maybe I should've put that in the story).
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> [mock salute] Yuè Lan signing off!


End file.
